Many couples end up in meaningless slinging matches as they try to outdo one another. This could include swearing, screaming, yelling, belittling and derogatory name calling. Even the most passionate relationship could be affected by arguments. Conflict is a part of any relationship, although not all of them are intense. In fact, arguments can help us to nurture strong relationships and take the whole thing into the next level. However, people who are unable to control themselves could end up feeling insecure disconnected anxious, upset, sad and empty.
Arguments may happen when we try to communicate something that upset us. Bad many people are poor at communicating and this could cause some unexpected side effects. One the other hand, some couple may deliberately try to minimize arguments and conflicts by avoiding such communication. As the result, problems remain persistent and may even accumulate.
It would be wonderful if we are able to talk about these things peacefully and find solutions smoothly. But this may not always happen. We should always communicate with our partner about things that upset us, but it is also important to avoid bad arguments:
- Don’t argue when we are upset or angry:
It is the basic rule we need to follow. Sometimes our blood is simply boiling and we just want to rip our loved-ones off to shred, figuratively of course. In this case, we should be able to calm down, because it is not possible to think straight when we are angry. This could cause us to say things that we don’t plan to. This is also a perfect stage to trigger actual physical violence.
This is particularly true on families that are equally abusive to one another. There are too many cases of domestic violence around us and we should prevent another one from occurring.
- Don’t blame:
We don’t like it if we are attacked verbally. This could put us into a defensive down and we may shut down. We don’t want to listen and respond to people who blame us. For this reason, we should also not become the one who always blame. Unless something needs to be solved, what has happened before should stay in the past. Our life is already complicated enough without thinking about our past.
It is important to address any relevant issue. We shouldn’t throw all past mistakes to our partner, because this will make it harder to solve current problems.
- Don’t try to win:
This is not a game of lose and win. It is about solving problems and making sure that things will get better. Instead of looking for ways to win, we should try to solve problems. Listening is also an important part of the communication and it allows us to understand our situation better. After gathering enough information from our partners, it is possible for to construct possible solutions.
This step requires patience and perhaps, a little bit more patience. Because listening without responding can be very difficult to do.